the story of the Nursie revealed.......
Illustration by GEORGIEandJAMES
The tale of nursie
It was a busy day at the General Hospital.
Blood was pouring out of the wound she had just stitched up.
For some reason, she had forgotten to use the correct thread to stitch up his gash.
She couldn't concentrate for the thought of how she had failed
her BUPA entrance exam.
Instead of pampering to Chanel wearing old women
(who may have left her the odd trinket in their wills)
she was instead left with the excitement of wiping arses
and giving injections to crack addicts on the NHS.
She couldn't quite believe her predicament
- she was hated in her department for her orderly approach to the job-
She was accurate and efficient, why would BUPA not want her skillset?
The patient was getting delirious, and babbling more now than when he had come in.
She called for 'back up' on the buzzer.
Again she pressed the button for assistance.
She could imagine them all sitting in the office, laughing at her panic.
"let her organise her way out of the situation" they must be saying, she thought.
In a panic she reached for a sedative, to calm the lunatic thrashing about on the bed.
'100 milligrams of sedative should do it'.
In her haste, she didn't see the bottle of Barbituates she accidentally reached for.
Within minutes she was pushed aside by the onlooking rival nurses,
trying to rescue the now dying vegetable she had been supervising.
Two days later at a friends house,
she pondered over the situation, over wine with the girls,
wondering if one of her rivals had switched the medical supplies
to orchestrate her malpractice suit situation, as well as her being fired.
She realised her predicament was falling on deaf ears,
as the others seemed more preoccupied listening to one of their number
whining about her ant-obsessed boyfriend,
'how he had no time to take her shopping, and was acting a bit odd'
Returning home, she realised that there was no point in fighting the NHS.
None of her bitch friends really seemed to care either, preferring to placate
a whining 'Carrie Bradshaw' style problem, rather than a real one.
Opening the medicine cabinet after returning home,
she decided it would be better to end it all.
After too much wine and self analysis, she pottered about the box,
searching for something she had stolen from work to make it all go away.
In her delusion she realised, all too late,
that the grey and black odd looking formula she had just injected into a vein,
was not the chemical she had thought.....
And thus, NURSIE was born, themometer at the ready!
She would be ready to 'facilitate' wellbeing for the world,
in the name of order, efficiency and of course, the dark lord himself!
NURSIE will take your temperature now!
NURSIE wears vintage nurse dress from Rokit,
thigh high length boots from Prada,
customised glasses from GerogieandJames,
turtlecracker from Conran
she has no eyes.
she has sparkles.
her eyes move around.
she can .... vanish as well
