Barbourella - the pig queen

Character Illustration by "GEORGIEandJAMES"

Once upon a time...

there was a large, bubbly girl who lived on a farm with her parents.

She loved animals, especially pigs.

Everyday she would volunteer to help look after the pigs,

rather than go to school and play with the other children.

As a result, the other children would often swing by after school,

to taunt her for her lack of social skills, and remind her that she often smelt of swine....

.....what mean spirited children!

She dreamt of a day when she would grow up and become a beautiful swan.

Unfortunately, as the years went by, no man ever came near her,

even the other farmers, as the smell of pig

had permeated her pores so deeply that it had stuck!

She decided she would try her luck in the city,

and always surrounded herself with fresh flowers

to disguise the stench she had grown up with.

This tale gets even sadder

as i tell you that the only job she could get was typing for a large megacompany,

as she had no formal qualifications to do anything else, and there were no farms in the city.

Her boss was a mean spirited man, but she developed a large crush on him

as he was the only man who ever paid her any attention

(despite the fact that it was mainly negative attention)

and was always telling her to be 'more feminine', as despite her best efforts,

as she had grown up on a farm, fashion and femininity was not on the top of the agenda!

One day, her mean boss was screaming larger than usual,

when she was handed a note by the other, smaller,

slyer rival secretary telling her she was out of a job.

In fact they all were.

Her tiny eyes filled with tears as she thought about how she would have to move

back to the farm, and once more get closer to the pigs she loved and missed dearly

, but also back to the smell that she had finally gotten rid of

thanks to the non stop flowers she spent all her wages on.

As she packed her stuff at her pokey tiny desk,

the tears rolled down her plump fat cheeks

and splashed all over what remained of her now unnecessary paperwork.

She went back to her pokey tiny flat, and began to mentally organise

how she would begin to pack and prepare for her move back to the middle of nowhere.

As she scoured the room she saw her favourite photograph from her childhood,

one of her, the swineherd, on the farm surrounded by her old friends, the pigs.

Something swelled within her, so much so that she became filled with a desire to be with them, to be one of them, to get away from all the pain caused by her unrequited love.

She wiped the tears from her fat face and went to sit down in front of the mirror

only to find that she was no longer the tubby farm girl,

but the most beautiful woman she had ever seen!

She realised though, that beauty is a double edged sword as a simple glance to her flatmate

fell down dead at the sheer sight of her amazing face.

(who had just walked in and was demanding to know who

the beautiful woman was sitting in front of the mirror)

She removed the pig mask from her dresser, placing it so as to cover her transformation.

Picking up the transformed flowers (which had gone from living to synthetic)

Thus Barbourella - the pig queen - was born.

BARBOURELLA THE PIG QUEEN wears pigmask from Blackpool joke shop, jacket by Barbour,

vintage wedding dress from Afflecks Palace, elephant skin boots by PostMistress, tights M&S, watch from Browns,

Reindeer "Rudy" throw cape from Helsinki market, Roses fromLegoLand and Caravan Boutique

She uses her LEGO ROSE and SILVER ROSE as her weapon.

Covered in her Fur Protected Armor!

She has a shy side......

Her fem pose....

Her little gold piggy.

It is her protection Symbol.

The Golden Piggy will come to life when Barbourella is in Danger!

She uses her LEGO-ROSE

but she can also make new shapes with the LOGO to help on her journey!

BURBERRY GHOST -femme-

the "Burberry GHOSTS"....

here we would first like to introduce you the FEMME GHOST.

Just a gentle reminder... the Burberry Ghosts are always together....

However each one of them have their own story....

their own legacy....

their own issues.....

so let us unfold the first secret of the "Burberry Ghosts"

Character Drawings by "GEORGIEandJAMES"

She was a busy city girl who had a dream ......

She worked in town centre everyday working in a bank....

But her dreams were to live in the mountains with her lovely Husband.

who also worked in the city very very hard.

They had a very high standard in the way they lived.

the house they lived in on the edge of a park was retented to perfection.

A Conran obsession started the the moment they both got

promoted high up at work.

Their favourite brand was BURBERRY..

from pajamas and slippers to pants, scarfs and gloves.

Even her morning Starbucks... once she got to her office

she would poor the coffee into a Burberry Mug.

One December .... as the fashionistas will know, yes...

it's time for XMAS SAMPLE SALE......

the couple planned to attend the sale to stack up on their seasonal wears.

On the way to the Sample sale, she had a phone call from her Husband.

He sounded rather stressed and huffy on the phone.

"Hey..... I'm running late....

I know I have the invitation to the sample sale.... could you get in without me?

but I think I am gonna take a while to get to--------"

the phone got cut off....

She felt very uneasy....

The next moment whilst she was hoping her Husband was going to be OK,

a red object flew past her eyes.....and it was making a noise

as the object flew in front of her....

That is when she heard a scream....

the scream was coming from this red object......

and it surely sounded like a man's voice... HER man's voice!

her husband's screaming voice was coming from it.....

the red object landed on the wet december london pavement.......

it was a hat......

a red hat...

she picked it up and thought.

"oh... that weird it's a PUMA hat...urg! thats not Burberry.!?"

The next moment she was no longer in London covered by rain.

the Red Puma hat sucked her whole to an another world......

the world of the "KREDIT KRUNCH KATWALK KREW"

her soul was taken away.....

as the layers of Burberry garments flapped around her

she was unable to make any facial expression

....except for sheer terror.

She only knew one thing....

She could only see one thing.....

A mysterious woman, swathed in Black!

BURBERRY GHOST FEMME wears

dress worn as mystery mask by Burberry Prorsum,

black underlay mac by Burberry London, grey middlemac by Burberry Prorsum,

camel outerwings mac by Burberry London, shoes by Paul Smith, hat by Puma

wrapped in the layers and layers of Burberry.......

her face is no longer there....

although when she speaks the Burberry mask ripples as the gentle wind would gush out.

in a shape of the Knight on a horse....

yes just like the Burberry Prorsum Logo.....

Exposing her inner power she takes off another layer of Burberry

to expose more hidden layers of the Burberry beauty.........

Her powers gets stronger and stronger as she take the layers off.....

Beware...... you do not want to see her with no layers on...

The simple classic Black Burberry London Mac is exposed.......

and yet the red hat remains.....

There must be some sort of secret in that Red Puma hat......?

and she starts moving......

wiggling and wriggling to glare at you......

the FEMME dance.......

it's a sign....

when the FEMME dance starts it starts to sing a song of Danger......

Can you hear the whisper from the red hat

and the jingle of the death bell?

if you do and you like burberry

the hat may come and find you as well.......

be warned......

GRIZZLY SLUT

GRRROOOAAAARRR said the The Grizzly Slut.........

Character drawing by "GEORGIEandJAMES"

She once lived in a cabin in the woods and she lived with her HubbyBear and BabyBear.
She used to enjoy listening to the birds that would land on her windowsill and sing to her whilst she tended to BabyBear, and made porridge waiting for her HubbyBear to return from logging in the forest.

However one day he had not returned home for much longer than expected.... she packed up her porridge and went searching in the forest,

leaving the windowsill birds to look after BabyBear.

Further and further into the woods she went, searching for him doing his logging.

What she found was her husband deep in the woods....

not logging..... but DOGGING.

She ran from that place unannounced..... how could he do this to her?

Her torment must have been heard by all the animals,

for none would come near her in her sadness.

By the time she got back to the cabin, her sadness was doubled....

BabyBear was nowhere to be found, and the birds were gone!

In the rocking chair sat a funny lithe figure,

his elegant but mean spirited features illuminated by the fire.

He told her the tale of the baby sacrifice by the gay doggers in the forest,

and of her husbands homosexual deception....

He offered her an option

An option she couldn't refuse in her sadness....and grief inspired madness

the stripy dark lord taught her every thing she needed to know...

A man would never deceive her again... he taught her many things...

how to seduce....

how to invite innocent men to her little cabin.....

to make a beautifully smelling porridge....

and adding so much poison in the mix........

She is happy for you to eat her porridge but once you have..........

death......

she will trick you into eating her Porrige Trickery.

Be aware!
Don't be drawn in by her SEX Appeal.
Remember! CAUTION! She is Danger! "

GRIZZLY SLUT wears

heirloom fur jacket from 'Grandma Freud', loop texture dress from H&M,shoes by Agent Provocateur,

tribal mask and bear companion, presents from the lovers of the slut, hat from lost property

her dark nails.... her tribal mask hide her heterosexual tears of disappointment

no one knows her true face....

the only 'man' living who has seen her without her mask is the Dark Lord that it is.

Killer Sex Eyes.....

To sait her madness for manflesh, the dark one gave her a baby substitute...

or is it indeed her own child, trapped by manipulative forces of darkness???

"mommy....."

Dr Contrast

DR. CONTRAST

character Drawing from "GEORGIEandJAMES"

In a dark, damp cold room in the basement of some animal testing laboratory

on the outskirts of town, the cold wind rattled the dirty windows, causing racks of test tubes and other scientific bottles and jars to vibrate with an uneven frequency.

The silhouette of strange animals in small cages squeaked and croaked with an unfamiliar chorus as the lightening outside clashed across the sky.

A shrivelled and dishevelled man in a green lab coat was rapidly typing on a keyboard,

frothing at the mouth as his bony fingers clacked against the well worn keys.

The man's well worn face was lightly illuminated from the monitor,

which had seen better days, being held together with a variety of household tape.

As he frantically typed his formulas out on the screen,

an instant message flashed up from his newely recent cyber-chat buddy 'MMM' .

* Is it nearly ready yet? *

he scowled at the impatience of his newfound friend and thought that maybe "psychogeniale.com" was not perhaps the best way to make the kind of friends

who allowed him to take his time to perfect the plan.

Slamming down his notepad in annoyance at having been interrupted in his most important work, he was about to reply when he received another,

* my theory points to the fact that we need a third. *

My theory? just who did this idiot think he was to question his biological / physiological superior intelligence?? After all, maths was no match for science!

He conceded that after all, this 'MMM' did indeed possess the second part of the process with his ability to envision numbers and mathematical equations

like no-one else he had ever encountered.

He typed, his frail hands quivering with anticipation

at the thought of a third person to join the plan.

The instant reply came not from his friend, but another unknown user

*SHE has already found YOU*

Said the user

In two respective dark rooms, two men sat back in shock at their respective monitors.

*You two boys are marvellous. Absolute Genius.

But there is one piece of the puzzle you are missing*

the chat continued

* WTF ?! *

they both typed simultaneously, both wondering how in the world she had found their user names, as well as knowing about their conversation.

* M.A.G.I.C *

she typed.

Both men were stunned by the stupidity of her suggestion.

Magic was for children who dreamed of owls and lightening scars.

This was Science and Maths !

The two most powerful forces of reason.

The mysterious woman went on to explain that her cards

and runes all pointed to the stars aligning soon.

Aligning on a date that matched not only the theories on the monitors of the laboratory,

but also that on the scribbles and pages strewn around the dark room

belonging to the man known as MMM.

The three agreed that coincidence was not a factor here,

and that they should meet to activate the plan, as the date was not far off.

Soon they would rip open the doorway,

establishing themselves as the new Newton, Einstein, whoever.

After this, the old brainboxes would all be forgotten

as a new age of intelligence controlled all.

The lightening clashed outside repeatedly.

In the darkest corner of the Laboratory,

behind the cages housing the strange silhouetted animals,

(who were now squwaking, thrashing and chirping loudly,

as if anticipating something coming)

A large crystal dome in the shape of a star, sat atop numerous wired tubes,

cylinders and mechanical technickery as lights flickered on and off across various sections.

As he closed his monitor (now they had agreed on an activation date for all three to meet)

he glanced over to the back of the room.

Within the glistening shimmering dome at the top of the machine,

ethereal swirls of pale and dark grey stripes shifted about,

swimming with anticipation, as inviting and beautiful as it was terrifying.

DR CONTRAST wears

vintage layered contrast coat, olive roll hems by Sparks, glamour heels by Vivienne Westwood

Are they dolls?

Are they alive?

Who are they?

Do they have powers?

We think they do......

Cute but Evil.....Dollies!

Dr. Contrast with his magical syringe........

Pretty and Dangerous Weapon of his.......

What will he inject into those poor animals?

You would hear him Clicking his heels as he walks around his Lab....

Mr Marjella

Mr Marjella

Character Illustration by "GEORGIEandJAMES"

He snarled as he took his sip of morning coffee in the Teachers' lounge.

He scanned the crowded room for signs of his nemesis, and there he was, still professing his stupid end-of-the-world theory to the disillusioned art and french teachers

(who were looking dismayed at having been cornered by the photocopier)

He realised that blackmailing Shaquille hadn't worked, and that catching him attempting to impregnate Chelsea in the boiler room was now a blackmail that had been wasted.

He had known this two days prior when he had seen the young offender being roughly escorted out of the Headmasters office by Police.

In normal circumstances he would now become paranoid at the youth's blabbing mouth

and his involvement in the situation, a problem he now had no care for.

Silently edging towards the photocopier he whispered to the others,

who were still reeling from the hit and run of (bourbon induced) apocalyptic

rambling by the Physics master.

"what a load of nonsense," he incited ,

"my mathematical theorem totally disproves the ramblings of a drunk"

And with that he swished out the staff lounge knowing that yet again,

he had turned more of the teaching body away from the ramblings of the man he hated.

It was a friday, and he couldn't wait for the weekend.

He had been waiting for this weekend, for so long,

to finally get his hands on a few pieces from the Maison Martin Margiela new season.

It would be in store from 11a.m, so the mailing list email had said.

He had written in down in big permenant pen on the calendar date and circled the number,

just like his brand idol!

Despite his failed blackmailed indirect murder attempt,

he was happy at the thought of being in that clinical white and chrome space,

being waited on by those lab coat technicians as they brought out

more and more of the new season for him to try on.

Saturday morning came and he cheerfully bounded down Bruton St, in Mayfair,

past the hippy florals of Matthew Williamson

and the overbearing window display from Juicy Couture.

He liked his fashion conceptual, clinical, clean.

With joy he entered the familiar looking shop, greeted by the doorman.

Upon approaching the rails he felt uneasy....

An all too familiar set of garments hung there, beautiful, classic, edgy,

but he had seen them before......he had most of them in his wardrobe.

"whe...where is the new season??!?!!!" he spluttered, almost losing control

(something he was very careful never to do,

even at work and especially in the presence of the Margiela clothes)

The anger boiled up inside him as he heard the tale of how the store had opened early due to a special request from a Chinese nouveaux-riche and his entourage. His anger almost exploded as he learned that the entire new season had been bought out in its' entirety.

At home, disappointed and distressed, he thought over how the two things he had predicted to be successes had ended up as duds....not working out in his favour at all.

This weren't the equation outcomes he had predicted, and why? he was a genius!!

He decided he would cheer himself up by putting on every single piece of Maison Martin Margiela he could, even though it wasn't the new season.

He pondered over his mathematical theory, plastered all over the walls of his office,

all pointing to the same theory that had been echoed around the teaching lounge earlier.

He would get revenge. Revenge for the "stolen" Margiela.

He knew numbers, he knew all the numbers, and they went far further than '22'.

He picked up the phone and began to dial an unusual number for Britain.

Somewhere in a darkened room,

a long grey and black striped arm snaked around the receiver to pick it up..........

Mr Marjella only wears

Maison Martin Margiela

He likes maths.

He likes Numbers.

Margiela likes Numbers.

and Marjella like Numbers.

He has no eyes.....

but he has Numbers................

yes.... he has a Number Stare Beam and also he can throw Numbers!

the numbers will get in your head.... and start calculating it self up...

till your brain bursts........

NUMBER EXPLOSION!!!!

Where do you think all these ACC came from???

hmmmm... Can you guess???

yep!

your right!

they are all Margiela!!!

and the Diamond Ring.......

from Margiela......

Did you guess it right this time???

and guess where the Gloves are from???

Hmmm?

Now use your little brain and tell us....

Yes

they are from John Lewis!!!! hahahaha!

and the beautiful SHOES!!!

you know when Mr Marjella Loves you or hate you....

when the ring shows the "HATE" sign that means he is planning to blow your brain with his Number slaves!!!!

Mr Pythagoras

My Pythagoras's Story

Character Illstration by "GEORGIEandJAMES"

One hot humid day in London, a lowly underpaid science teacher.

was mopping his brow whilst grading underachieving student papers.

He had far more to worry about than the youths he had to try to teach at his unfortunate placement at one of Hackney's Community Colleges.

The heat and the conditions were revolting, as were the students.

Only last week he had narrowly escaped being stabbed with a makeshift "biro shank" by Shaquille, after trying to explain why he had been referred again on his physics paper.

Despite this attempt at murder, he thought of how the bureaucratic headmaster had tried to blame him for the incident, but thought of this only briefly,

as he had far more pressing things to think about.

Unbeknownst to the rest of the teaching team, whom he saw with derision at their feeble attempts to 'connect' to an uninterested student body,

he busied himself of an evening in his real work.

Formula after formula,

re-analysis after re-analysis, the answer was always correct.

The sketches and mathematical equations always ended up the same.

His small apartment was littered with piles of papers, peppered with scientific

equations, which wouldn't make sense to you and i,

but to this lowly science tutor, the problem was all too real and growing ever nearer.

Bottles of Bourbon didn't drown out the reality.

He had tried to consult his fellows in Maths and Science, but they saw him as a fool, not a visionary. The drink made him think they were jealous, but the grim reality that accompanied the hangover every morning made him realise that no-one really wanted to hear it.

He had discovered that a dark presence was looming. Looming towards humanity. It would sap at the will of society, turning it into a generation of Jeremy Kyle watchers,

Kerry Katona fanatics and Iceland pre-packed meal heaters.

He had predicted that a dark force would take shape shortly

- using dark means to achieve dark goals -

He couldn't take any more. He had to get drunk to ease the impending doom and the futility of his situation of being heard, but only by the voices in his head.

The next thing he remembered was waking up in darkness at the smell of burnt oil,

his head at the wheel of his ford cortina,

protected by various woodland shrubs and soft ferns he had crashed into,

that had thankfully prevented him from flying through the windshield....

He looked at the yellowish green sign proudly glaring at him

through his smashed windscreen.

"MORRISONS"

He knew what he had to do.

He knew that there would be others out there that would understand.

Others who would support his theory.

Others that help rise up against the pressing darkness.

Prising himself from the reckage

he stole away into the night.

He would get another car.....

and find those allies.....

MR PYTHAGORAS wears

reconditioned hand me down suit by Georgie&James, trousers by Dior homme, loafers by Eley Kishimoto.

Vintage sunglasess from Japan

Morrisons bag of justice - models own

Silent Look......

Powerful Brain.....

Bag of Justice......

you will soon learn what hides in this bag

ELLY EYLLY ELLY ELLY........

Super U Owe Me Money Man

SUPER U OWN ME MONAY MAN

Character Illustration by "GEORGIEandJAMES"

He may be standing proud now,

But there is a tale to tell that got him this way.....

He was a strong proud man, some would call him a misogynist, others someone to look up to

and be inspired by him. You could say his business approach was like that of Tonald Drump,

slapping the asses of his secretaires, and gambling for high stakes and always winning.

One day, he was screaming at his two secretaries, one to get his coffee correctly, the other to start dressing 'more feminine' in the office, when a call came through from one of his most trusted business associates.

The bank accounts were depleting rapidly. Very rapidly. For some unknown reason.

All of his people couldn't work out why this was happening. He had security measures in place didn't he? Was someone stealing from him? He called his fellow tycoons abroad.... it was happening all over. Everywhere!

Later, whilst on the streets having lost everything in the GUPPI group, he found himself looking at a casino.

'One last try' he thought, upon finding a shiny pound in his pocket.

He left 10 mins later, sobbing,

clutching the "Lucky Las Vegas" sunglasses he'd won on the slots.

It was all over.

Holding them aloft, cursing the skies, he screamed

"U owe me money man!"

shaking his fist at the Lord for his misfortune.

Suddenly he felt a newfound approach to life, and with it came a new set of threads!

Gone were the gold bars of tycoon-ship, instead replaced with gold buttons, gold shoes, gold tops and a new, fresh golden approach to life!

He was gonna help humanity. He was no longer the mean spirited Business Man of the Year (several years running)

He was going to find out who had drained the world of moolah.

And it was there, in the gutter, standing proud in his new attitude, that a strange man in an odd looking grey suit suddenly pulled up in a car beside him,

"Get in" the man said........

SUPER U OWE ME MONEY MAN wears

cropped archive military jacket from BrickLane , wood veneer print satin vintage bomber, kim jones shorts, ltd edt Gold Rudolph Dassler boots, Las Vegas sunglasses

GLARE!!!!!! MONAY GLARE!!!!