Barbourella - the pig queen

Character Illustration by "GEORGIEandJAMES"

Once upon a time...

there was a large, bubbly girl who lived on a farm with her parents.

She loved animals, especially pigs.

Everyday she would volunteer to help look after the pigs,

rather than go to school and play with the other children.

As a result, the other children would often swing by after school,

to taunt her for her lack of social skills, and remind her that she often smelt of swine....

.....what mean spirited children!

She dreamt of a day when she would grow up and become a beautiful swan.

Unfortunately, as the years went by, no man ever came near her,

even the other farmers, as the smell of pig

had permeated her pores so deeply that it had stuck!

She decided she would try her luck in the city,

and always surrounded herself with fresh flowers

to disguise the stench she had grown up with.

This tale gets even sadder

as i tell you that the only job she could get was typing for a large megacompany,

as she had no formal qualifications to do anything else, and there were no farms in the city.

Her boss was a mean spirited man, but she developed a large crush on him

as he was the only man who ever paid her any attention

(despite the fact that it was mainly negative attention)

and was always telling her to be 'more feminine', as despite her best efforts,

as she had grown up on a farm, fashion and femininity was not on the top of the agenda!

One day, her mean boss was screaming larger than usual,

when she was handed a note by the other, smaller,

slyer rival secretary telling her she was out of a job.

In fact they all were.

Her tiny eyes filled with tears as she thought about how she would have to move

back to the farm, and once more get closer to the pigs she loved and missed dearly

, but also back to the smell that she had finally gotten rid of

thanks to the non stop flowers she spent all her wages on.

As she packed her stuff at her pokey tiny desk,

the tears rolled down her plump fat cheeks

and splashed all over what remained of her now unnecessary paperwork.

She went back to her pokey tiny flat, and began to mentally organise

how she would begin to pack and prepare for her move back to the middle of nowhere.

As she scoured the room she saw her favourite photograph from her childhood,

one of her, the swineherd, on the farm surrounded by her old friends, the pigs.

Something swelled within her, so much so that she became filled with a desire to be with them, to be one of them, to get away from all the pain caused by her unrequited love.

She wiped the tears from her fat face and went to sit down in front of the mirror

only to find that she was no longer the tubby farm girl,

but the most beautiful woman she had ever seen!

She realised though, that beauty is a double edged sword as a simple glance to her flatmate

fell down dead at the sheer sight of her amazing face.

(who had just walked in and was demanding to know who

the beautiful woman was sitting in front of the mirror)

She removed the pig mask from her dresser, placing it so as to cover her transformation.

Picking up the transformed flowers (which had gone from living to synthetic)

Thus Barbourella - the pig queen - was born.

BARBOURELLA THE PIG QUEEN wears pigmask from Blackpool joke shop, jacket by Barbour,

vintage wedding dress from Afflecks Palace, elephant skin boots by PostMistress, tights M&S, watch from Browns,

Reindeer "Rudy" throw cape from Helsinki market, Roses fromLegoLand and Caravan Boutique

She uses her LEGO ROSE and SILVER ROSE as her weapon.

Covered in her Fur Protected Armor!

She has a shy side......

Her fem pose....

Her little gold piggy.

It is her protection Symbol.

The Golden Piggy will come to life when Barbourella is in Danger!

She uses her LEGO-ROSE

but she can also make new shapes with the LOGO to help on her journey!